LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
