How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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