remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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