from now on my penis is your penis
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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