i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
