Are we in a gay sports bar?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
