Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
