So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
