and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
