How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
