well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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