Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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