Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
