this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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