Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
