I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
