His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
