its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
