her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just invented taco cereal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
