Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
