omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
