i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
