There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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