So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
