No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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