Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
