i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
