Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
