She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
