Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
