Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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