The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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