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I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Randomize
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