I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
why do cheetos always look like penises
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.