If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.