evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
