I seem to have left my pride at pride
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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