Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
