its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
