I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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