i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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