please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
