does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
