So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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