she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
