Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
