I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
