All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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