so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do herpes really smell.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
