so that wasnt chicken after all
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
