at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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