Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
