And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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