If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
