You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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