Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
