Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
