I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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