I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
