Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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