just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
