Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
