So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
