Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
