I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
