what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
