Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
