I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
