The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
MIDGETS
????
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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