Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!

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(631): View more from New York

Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"

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(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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(630): View more from Illinois

You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.

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(210): View more from Texas

The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

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(305): View more from Florida

I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

WE ARE DOOMED.

(774): View more from Massachusetts

And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.

(860): View more from Connecticut

it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure

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(614): View more from Ohio

I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.

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