Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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