Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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