She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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