Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
