I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
